I understand Curling. That high.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
