You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
