Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
