I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
