He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
