My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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