She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize