perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
