I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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