just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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