You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize