I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
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I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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