I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Randomize
