That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
