Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
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do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
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Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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