Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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