We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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