I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize