She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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