After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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