I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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