apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
