YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
