from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
