I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
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woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
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I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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