When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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