she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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