I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
