Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
