people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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