Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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