do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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