It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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