i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
