Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
