He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
