an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
