It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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