mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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