he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
