Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I love you.
Bad choice
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