I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize