Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
