lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
