I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
