I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
