nut hugger
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
