Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
cat food counts as protein by the way
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
