You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
we should paint friendship bongs
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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