i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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