Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
