1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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