So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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