so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
