I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
