Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
