Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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