I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
