Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
