I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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