You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Are we in a gay sports bar?
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
