I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
