he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
