I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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