the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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