Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
