making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
two words: eviction party
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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