btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
