matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
