she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
