We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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