yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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