I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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