Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
