i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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