it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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