unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
